What You Need To Know Before You Shave Your Head

While you were younger, the only thought about shaving that you may have known concerns your sideburns and, perhaps, your chin. As you grow older, however, you may have greater concern about the hair on your head, especially if you are a descendant with a gene that caused several relatives to lose hair quicker or have experienced protruding hairlines as they age. Fortunately, men of today have long embraced the idea of masculinity that celebrates baldness and everything else that was considered different before. If you are still deliberating whether you will join the pack or not, it is best that you understand these things before you shave for head.

Shave Your Head

Reasons Why Men Would Rather Go Bald

Going bald can either be a chance or a choice. There are those who get have their head shaven as they have no other reason not to do otherwise. Perhaps, you have seen your hair started to think way earlier than you have thought. Maybe, it is the medication that you are taken that had lost much of your hair to fall off. Or, maybe, it’s an incident that caused you most of your hair.

If you are reading this then you could have probably just opted to shave your head. Whatever the reason that you are now bald or have decided to be hair-free, you will understand how liberating it really feels to be with no hair on the head after all. Being hairless gives you the freedom to be the real you.

Congratulations then and welcome to the club!

Some Tips for Bald Head

Whatever your reasons for exposing your melon, these tips will help you in your goal of keeping a slick and appealing baldhead.

1. Have the shortest cut before buzzing (about 1/4 of an inch). It will be easier to manage the shaver or manual razor, whichever you prefer if it’s cut that short. If not, some of your hair may get snagged by the razor and it will be awfully painful when that happens. You don’t need to have a perfectly cut hair, just make it short enough for the razor to slide through the contours of your head comfortably.

2. Baldhead is low maintenance and not a no-maintenance style. You will definitely need fewer products to keep your head looking great, but it does not mean you won’t need anything until the next buzz. To keep your head looking slick all the time, you will need a baldhead care kit that should contain the essentials for keeping an awesome melon.

3. You will need to pamper your head before shaving. You will need a clean surface to start with. Use a shampoo for bald head and exfoliate your scalp before running a razor into it. This will give less time to worry about skin infection or rashes since you started off with a clean and softened scalp. (more…)

Healthy Relationships and a Healthy You

It’s been said that no man (or woman, for that matter) is an island. And it’s true: good relationships are essential to our happiness and emotional health. Our relationships can affect our physical health as well.

Indeed, one thing researchers know for sure is that our ability to feel love and intimacy is what keeps us well. Study after study has shown that loneliness is a risk factor for disease, and that relationships have a positive effect on everything from heart health to age-related health issues.

Healthy Relationships and a Healthy You

Nurture Your Relationships

It’s not always easy to keep friendships and family connections strong when you’re busy with work, children, and other demands on your time. Here are some tips for keeping those relationships healthy even in tough times:
Visit with friends and family. Simple, but important. Take time to make a phone call, send an email, or write a quick note.
Make new friends. Establishing new contacts with people who have similar lifestyles can help you feel that someone understands your daily challenges.
If you feel too exhausted to talk to or relate with the people important to you, tell them. Explain your feelings to them. This communication can help you both feel better.

5 Ways to Get Closer to Your Mate

For many of us, a spouse, partner or significant other is the most important relationship in our lives. Yet it’s easy to grow apart, even when you live together. Here are five tips from the experts for staying close:

1. Listen, With the TV Off.
The experts agree on this point — listening, truly listening, can reduce conflict, boost trust, and lead to a more satisfying partnership. Listening may sound simple, but it requires more than being in the same room while your better half is speaking. Signal that you care by turning off the television, offering your undivided attention, and making eye contact. And don’t forget to follow up on what you hear.

This is particularly important when your partner is upset. If you listen carefully, you are more likely to understand the problem and find a way to help.

2. Focus on the Positives.
“When you first meet someone, you pay attention to all the things you like,” says Kate Wachs, PhD, a Chicago psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies. “As time goes on, you start to take that for granted and instead you focus on what bothers you. If the relationship becomes more negative than positive, you break up.”

The solution is to make a conscious effort to focus on the things you like about your partner. “Your partner has many good qualities, as well as things that drive you crazy,” Brody says. “Look for [the positives] and drink those in. Jot them down to remember them.”

Seven Habits of Highly Successful Couples

Keeping intimate relationship alive requires strength, motivation, and a little something called love.

We are guilty of basing our romantic beliefs on fairytales.

The problem with happily ever after is there’s more to ever after than meets the eye. To hold on to Prince Charming, Snow White has to be willing to do more than sing with the bluebirds.

If you are willing to put forth the effort to keep your relationship alive, then developing the following seven habits will help you become one of those highly successful couples.

Seven Habits of Highly Successful Couples

HABIT #1 – GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE

Your goal in the relationship is to give each other pleasure, not to cause pain. Simple, isn’t it?
However… for just a single day, become consciously aware of everything you do, by asking yourself the question, “Is what I’m about to do or say going to cause my partner pain or pleasure?”

To help you, each of you should make two lists: one for all the things your partner does that hurt you, and another for all that you’d like your partner to do to give you pleasure.
Swap lists, and now you know exactly what to do and what not to do. No more guessing!

HABIT #2 – CREATE LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP RITUALS

We fall in love through rituals of connection and intimacy such as romantic dinners, long conversations, riding bicycles or going for walks, exchanging gifts, talking every night on the telephone…

When we fall in love our relationship becomes the center point of our life, with anything else becoming secondary.

Over time, when the relationship becomes more settled (particularly after we have children), this process reverses.
The children, our work, our hobbies, our friends – take the center stage and the relationship being relegated to the background tending only to receive our attention in times of crisis.

The remedy to routine (the main cause of dull relationships) is connection and intimacy rituals.

For example, every Saturday evening, as a changeover from the working week into the weekend, take two hours together when you put a “do not disturb” sign on your busy life.
No phones, no answered doors, no e-mails, no TV, nothing…
Just the two of you and your relationship.
Do what you will with the time, however it must be an investment in your relationship.

HABIT #3 – CREATE A SAFE SPACE FOR OPEN AND HONEST SHARING

Create a sense of safety and acceptance that allows each of you to express your feelings, problems, expectations and disappointments.

One of our connection rituals is a process called “Clearing” that creates this atmosphere of safety and acceptance.

EVERY NIGHT before we go to sleep, we ask each other “what DID NOT work for you today?”
We give each other a chance to share about all the things that went “wrong” during the day (whether connected to the relationship or not).
If there are any solutions that we can mutually agree upon to assist with improvements for the future, we raise the issue.

When both of us are complete, we initiate a second round, in which we ask each other “what DID work for you today?”
This is our opportunity to share about all the goodness that we’ve experienced during the day, as well as acknowledge each other (and others) for the support and love we’ve received.

HABIT #4 – WORK TOGETHER TO RESOLVE CONFLICT AND CRISIS

The problem with the way most couples argue is that they attempt to find solutions before allowing each other the chance to say what they need to say.

The “Council” process ensures that before you engage in solution talk, each one of you feels you have been fully heard.

Here’s how it can be made to work in the practice:
One person holds an object in their hand, called the “Talking Piece”, which symbolizes that he or she has the floor.
While one person has the floor, the other person is allowed only to listen without interruption.

When speaking, you should focus on speaking from your heart (emotional, spontaneous, instinctive as opposed to mental).

When listening, you are encouraged to listen from your heart (i.e. from acceptance and compassion).

Only after each person has been fully “heard,” (in case it is still necessary) continue through to the process of problem solving.

HABIT #5 – TURN TOWARD EACH OTHER, RATHER THAN AWAY

When you pass your lover during the course of a day, do you stop and rub their shoulder, give them a kiss on the cheek, and whisper something nice in their ear – or do you just walk on by?

This is the meaning of “turning toward” as opposed to “turning away.”

Turning toward each other means making each other your number one priority.

Make sure to find ways to be physically and emotionally close to each other, such as doing things together that you both enjoy. Take walks together, drink coffee together after dinner, listen to music together…

HABIT #6 – SCHEDULE TIME FOR LOVE

Want to improve your sex life? Here’s one of the most profound pieces of advice I can give you: SCHEDULE IT!

Doesn’t sound very romantic, I know. But it works.

Waiting for that “magic moment” when you’re both “in the mood” may be romantic, but it’s not always practical. We all have had times when we were waiting and waiting and… waiting.

Plan in the morning to make love that night. Call each other all day long with reminders, ideas and seductive suggestions.
By the time evening rolls around you’ll both feel like you’ve engaged in foreplay all day long – and you’ll be ready for an exciting night!

HABIT #7 – CREATE MEANING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Think about it, besides having fun, what else would you like to do together in the coming 40 years?

We all need meaning in our lives.

You will enrich your relationship by sharing meaningful experiences with each other. The ultimate in meaning is to share a common philosophy of life and life purpose.
This is why couples who choose a path of personal-growth or spirituality together, have great source of meaning in their lives.

When you practice these seven habits intentionally and consistently, you’ll re-create every day a loving, fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.

It’s easy – give it a try…

10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships

In my couples therapy practice, I’ve seen a myriad of relationship styles. People who come in for counseling are clearly looking to change something they see problematic in their partnership – and hopefully take home a few helpful relationship tips and tools. The problems range from poor communication – to resentment and trust violations due to infidelity and all sorts of issues in between. Filtering through all of this, I’ve identified ten characteristics of successful relationships. These qualities are integral parts of a healthy relationship foundation and I believe increase the chances of weathering the storms that life inevitably dishes out.

10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships

The ten characteristics of successful relationships are as follows and are in no particular order:

1) Friendship: Couples who have a strong friendship have staying power. They not only love each other but genuinely like each other as people. They enjoy hanging out together. They might even consider each other their “best friend.”

2) Humor: Partners who can make each other laugh tend to be good at de-escalating conflicts when they do arise. It’s the great mood lightener. I’ve noticed the use of funny nicknames can be an indicator of great fondness for one another. The names often stem from a “you had to be there” moment from the beginning of their relationship.

3) Communication: As obvious as this may seem, many couples are not very good at it. Those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment typically deal with situations as they come up and avoid burying frustrations which always have a way of coming out at some point.

4) Chore Sharing: Those who divvy up the household or parenting responsibilities in a way that is mutually agreed upon way are less likely to hold resentments about what they perceive as “unfair.” Each participates (albeit maybe begrudgingly) and both contribute to the relationship in this way.

5) Sexual Intimacy: Couples who have their sexual needs met or at least have negotiated a reasonable compromise if their levels of need aren’t compatible, feel taken care of by the other. Some are highly active, engaging in lovemaking multiple times a week and others are content with far less. There is no “right” or “wrong” amount. However, often times a negotiation is needed to make sure no one feels neglected by the other.

6) Affection: Partners who stay in physical contact in some way throughout the day have appeared to be the happiest ones. These moments don’t need to necessarily lead to sexual intimacy but are rather easy ways to say, “I love you,” without the words. These moments can be invaluable, especially these days when everyone seems to be racing around to get “somewhere.” Whether it’s a hug, kiss, swat on the rear, tussle of the hair or a sit on the lap, these acts of affection keep couples connected when life gets crazy.

7) No “Horsemen of the Apocalypse”: This is a term coined by a famous couples researcher named John Gottman who claims to be able to predict divorce with incredible accuracy. His “four horsemen of the apocalypse” are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. His research has shown that couples who demonstrate a high level of these in their relationships are in big trouble.

8) Mutual and Separate Friends: Partners who socialize with other couples and also maintain separate friendships have greater balance in regards to honoring themselves as individuals, within the relationship. This leads to more self satisfaction which translates to relationship satisfaction.

9) Reliability: Most of us want follow-through with our friendships and our partners. If couples do what they say and say what they do, they create an atmosphere of comfort in knowing their words mean something to the other.

10) Relationship Vision: It’s interesting the number of couples I’ve seen who don’t seem to have the big picture of their relationship in mind. Where do they see themselves in ten year? What are their relationship goals? Couples who have created a relationship vision for themselves know where they’re going as they’ve planned it together. They get joy out of reaching for their goals as a team and are less likely to be derailed by surprises down the line.

How to Make Friends And Get a Social Life

A fairly common social issue people have is that they’re not sure how to make friends and put together a social life for themselves. There are quite a few ways someone can find themselves in this situation:
They’ve moved to a new city and don’t know very many people yet.
They’ve been in a long term relationship and have let their social life wither.
Their old friends have slowly been dropping out of the picture (moving away, busy with work or a new family, etc.) and haven’t been replaced by new ones.

How to Make Friends And Get a Social LifeThey feel like they’ve grown apart from their current friends and want to make entirely new ones.
In the past they were happy being alone a lot of the time, but now they want to be around people more often.
They never really knew how to make friends and have always wished their social lives were better.

Below are my thoughts on how to make friends. I’ll cover a basic structure first, then go into some attitudes and principles towards the whole thing that I think are important. I’ve noticed people who are already good at making friends naturally tend to do most of the things I outline below without thinking about it.
Bare bones guide on how to make friends

Here are the basic steps to making friends. It seems simplistic, but there can be a lot to each point. People who struggle with their social lives often stumble on one or more of them as well.
1. Find some potential friends

To make friends you first have to find some possible candidates. There are two main ways to do this:
Draw on your current contacts

This won’t apply to people who have just moved to a new area and don’t know anyone, but often you’ll already have the seeds of a social life around you. You don’t necessarily have to go out and meet ten strangers to have one. It’s often easier to turn existing contacts into full-fledged friends than it is to meet new ones.

There are probably a handful of people you already know who could end up becoming part of a new social circle. I’m talking about people like:
Acquaintances you’re friendly with when you run into each other, but who you never see otherwise.
People at work or in your classes who you get along with.
Friends of people you know who you’ve gotten along with in the past.
Someone who has shown an interest in being your friend but you never really took up the offer.
People you very occasionally hang out with, who you could see more often.
Friends you’ve gradually lost contact with who you could call up again.
Siblings and relatives close to your age.
Meet some new people

Getting more out of your current relationships can go a long way, but it doesn’t always work. Sometimes you’re at a point where you need to meet entirely new people. Not having easy access to potential new friends is a big barrier for many people in creating a social circle. I go into more detail here: How To Meet People.

Overall, I’d say the easiest things to do are:
Being in a situation where lots of potential friends are around, and you naturally have to get to know them through your day-to-day interactions. Work and school are the two big ones.
Meeting one or two good people and then getting to know all their friends. If you hang out with fifteen people, you shouldn’t have to have met them all individually.
Being into hobbies or communities where you’ll naturally meet a lot of people, ones you already have something common with and a built-in activity to do with them.

Overall, meeting new people may require making an effort to pull out of your day-to-day routine. Also, the easiest way to naturally meet a lot of people is just to live a full, interesting life and run into lots of potential friends as a side effect.
2. Invite potential friends to do something with you

Once you’ve met some people you get along with, ask them to hang out. This is the most important step in my experience. You can meet all the people you want, and they can think you’re great, but if you don’t take any actions to do something with them in the future, then you won’t form many new relationships. People will stay as the guy you talk to in class, or the girl you chat to at work in the break room.

This seems basic, but lonelier people often hit a wall here. There may be someone they joke around with at work, or chat to in one of their classes, but they won’t take the step of inviting them out and taking the relationship to the next level.

If you’re on the shyer side, you might be a little hesitant to invite people out too. While it is a little scary at first, and there is some risk of rejection, it’s fairly easy to get used to. It’s not nearly as bad as asking people out on a date, for example.
Make a habit of getting people’s contact information

There have been plenty of times where I’ve met someone I got along with, and would have liked to hang out with in the future, but I only saw them a handful of times before they dropped out of the picture. I didn’t have their phone number or email address, so I had no way to get in touch with them.

It’s a good idea to get into the habit of getting people’s contact info fairly early. Ask for their phone number or email address, or ask if they’re on Facebook. That way if an opportunity to get together comes up, they’ll be easy to reach. Also, if they have your info, then they can get a hold of you if they want to invite you to something.
Have a basic grasp of how to make plans

To hang out with someone you’ve got to plan it. Sometimes the process is straight forward. You ask them if they want do something, they agree, and you set a time and place.

At other times trying to nail down a plan can be tedious and unpredictable, especially when more than one other person is involved. Try your best to get used to it. It personally helped me to accept this wasn’t a situation where I could perfectly control and arrange everything ahead of time. I had to come to peace with the uncertainty of trying to organize events.

If inviting people out and arranging plans all seems like a big hassle, it also probably feels that way for them at times. They shouldn’t always have to step up and organize things for you. Do some of the lifting yourself at times.

More details here: Advice On Making Plans With People
Do your best to accept every invitation

Of course if someone asks you to hang out, then that’s even better. If someone invites you to do something, then you should go. Why turn down a free chance to get out there with people? When you’ve got more friends and different options competing for your time you can be more choosy.

If you’re more of a shy or solitary person it’s easy to mull over the invitation and rationalize that it won’t be that fun and that you don’t want to go. Ignore those thoughts and go anyways. You never can be sure how fun something will be until you show up and see how it is for yourself.

Sometimes you’ll have to inconvenience yourself for the sake of your social life. You may get invited to a movie you don’t particularly want to see, or someone might call you up on Friday evening as you’re about to go to bed, asking if you want to go out. Whenever you have two or more people in the equation, you’re going to have to compromise sometimes. Again, just being out there outweighs these minor annoyances.

Another thing to consider is that many people will stop inviting someone out to things if they decline too often. They may have nothing against the person, but the next time they’re planning an event think, “Paul never comes out when I ask him, so no point in letting him know this time really.”
3. Once you’ve got some budding friendships, keep in touch, and keep hanging out

Keep in touch with friends through the phone, email, MSN, Facebook, etc. Hang out with them on a regular basis. Basically, enjoy each other’s company and let the relationship naturally develop and deepen. Of course, show all the traits of a good friend: nice, reliable, fun, open, trustworthy, etc., etc., etc.

Every friend and acquaintance has a right amount of time you need to spend with them. Some relationships are more casual and you only hang out every month or less. Other people will wonder if you’ve died if you they don’t see you every week. What the amount is for each person tends to naturally work itself out over time. Of course, don’t be needy and over-rely on one person to fulfill all your social needs.

Some people may not have a problem with meeting people and hanging around them once or twice, but run into trouble in the long run. Don’t fall out of touch with your new friends and acquaintances. Various traits can get you at this stage:
You’re just too busy or mildly lazy and don’t make the time to really establish the friendship as it’s getting off the ground.
You can feel insecure. You’ll convince yourself your new friends don’t really like you and drop contact with them in response to this imagined slight.
Your lower need to be social may cause you to not want to hang around with them as often as is needed to keep the friendship going.
Shyness may rear up again and make you too wimpy to call them up and make plans.

If you do go a while without talking to someone, it’s not really a big deal. You can still get back in touch and catch up. It’s not even that awkward. Things tend to pick up where they left off. Don’t think you automatically have to throw the friendship away.
Once you know some people, build on this foundation

Once you’ve made a regular friend or two you’ve also got a good base to work from. If you’re not super social in nature, one or two good buddies may be all you need to be happy. At the very least, if you were feeling lonely and desperate before, having a relationship or two should be enough to take those feelings away.

Sooner or later you’ll end up meeting your friend’s friends. If you hit it off with them then you can start hanging out with them as well. You could also become a member of the whole group with time. You can also continue to meet entirely new people. Having friends will make this easier as they’ll do things like invite you to parties or keep you company in places where there are new people to potentially meet.

How to Improve Your Social Life: 6 of My Favorite Timeless Tips

Today I’d like to share a few of my favorite timeless tips for improving your social life.

Here are six of them.

1. Be wary of building walls.

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”
Joseph F. Newton Men

6 of My Favorite Timeless Tips

The ego wants to divide your world. It wants to create barriers, separation and loves to play the comparison game. The game where people are different compared to you, the game where you are better than someone and worse than someone else. All of that creates fear. And so we build walls. But putting up walls tends to in the end hurt you more than protect you.

So how can you start building bridges instead? One way is to choose to be curious about people. Curiosity is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your fear.

Another way is to start to see yourself in other people. To get that there is no real separation between you and other people.
That may sound vague. So one practical suggestion and thought you may want to try for a day is that everyone you meet is your friend.

Another thing you can try is to see what parts of yourself you can see in someone you meet. Try it out and see what you find.

2. Your relationships are in your mind.

“As you think so shall you be! Since you cannot physically experience another person, you can only experience them in your mind. Conclusion: All of the other people in your life are simply thoughts in your mind. Not physical beings to you, but thoughts. Your relationships are all in how you think about the other people of your life. Your experience of all those people is only in your mind. Your feelings about your lovers come from your thoughts. For example, they may in fact behave in ways that you find offensive. However, your relationship to them when they behave offensively is not determined by their behavior, it is determined only by how you choose to relate to that behavior. Their actions are theirs, you cannot own them, you cannot be them, you can only process them in your mind.”
Wayne Dyer

“It is not he who reviles or strikes you who insults you, but your opinion that these things are insulting.”
Epictetus

How you choose to interpret people and your relationships makes a huge difference. So much of our relationships may be perceived to happen out there somewhere.

But as mentioned in tip #1 in this article, your underlying frame of mind – do you build bridges or walls? – will determine much about your interactions both new people and people you know.

So you really have to go inside. You have to realize that your interpretations from the past are interpretations. Not reality. You have to take a look at your assumptions and expectations and thought habits. Find patterns that may be hurting you (and others). This isn’t easy. Or always pleasant. You may discover that you have had some negative underlying habits of thought for many years.

But to change you have to do it. Instead of just keep looking at yourself as some sort of unmoving and objective observer of the world and reality. A change in you could – over time – change your whole world.

3. Avoid being boring.

“The best way to be boring is to leave nothing out.”
Voltaire

Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam.

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life. And to focus on the positive stuff. Don’t start to whine about your boss or your job, people don’t want to hear that. Instead, talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny anecdote that happened while you were buying clothes, your plans for the summer or something fun or exciting.

4. Focus outward, not inward.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Dale Carnegie

A lot of people use the second, far less effective way. It is appealing because it’s about instant gratification and about ME, ME, ME! The first way – to become interested in people – perhaps works better because it makes you a pleasant exception and because the law of reciprocity is strong in people. As you treat people, they will treat you. Be interested in them and they will be interested in you.

5. Don’t get stuck in the questions.

“I wish I had an answer to that because I’m tired of answering that question.”
Yogi Berra

If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don’t have that much too contribute. One alternative is to mix questions with statements. Just say what band you are really into instead of asking what band they are into. Or say what you think about local sports team’s chances of winning the next game. Or, while using common sense, just what you are thinking about what is happening around you right now.

And then the conversation can flow on from there.

So open up and say what you think, share how you feel. And if someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. Don’t just stand there nodding and answer with short sentences. If someone is investing in the conversation they’d like you to invest too.

And like in so many areas in life, you can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move. When needed, be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation.

6. Genuineness is awesome.

“Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyse your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.”
Leo F. Buscaglia

I think that one of the most important things in a relationship of any kind is to be genuine. Few things are as powerful as genuine communication and letting the genuine you shine through. Without incongruence, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness.

It’s you to 100%.

It’s you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language – which some say is over 90% of communication – on the same wavelength as your words. It’s you coming through on all channels of communication.

Being your geunine self – the one where you build bridges and are open and giving – will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself. And because people really like genuineness.

Mistakes Lonely People Often Make

They hide from the world because they’re embarrassed about being lonely and having no life

People you don’t live with really can’t tell all that well how much of a social life you have or not. More than that, even if they do have a hunch that you may not be up to all that much on the weekends, they likely don’t judge you all that negatively for it. Of course hiding like this is counterproductive because if you want to start getting a social life together, you have to begin putting yourself out there.

Lonely people can also hide in the sense that they’re really guarded about revealing anything about themselves, because someone might catch on to how little they have going on in their lives. Doing this can prevent new relationships from getting off the ground. A lonely person may ‘save face’ by avoiding a potential new friend, rather than have to reveal they don’t have a ton of friends at the moment.

Mistakes Lonely People Often Make

The alternative is to be more casual and straightforward about the fact that your social life is lacking at the moment. It’s actually something that can happen to anyone from time to time. If the topic comes up, you can just say something like, “I’ve been working too much lately. I’ve got to start going out more” or “Ha ha, I think I’m in a bit of a social rut at the moment. I fell out of touch with some old friends, and really should start meeting some new people.”
They become experts at distracting themselves from their loneliness

It’s relatively easy to throw your spare hours away in front of the T.V., computer, or video game console, perhaps with the edge knocked off by a six-pack or some dope. I doubt I’d know 90% of the useless facts I do if I hadn’t spent so much time surfing the web looking for yet another site to keep me occupied for a few more hours. Obviously this doesn’t do anything to fix the problem.
They get too comfortable in their rut

When your social life isn’t where you want it to be you can find yourself in a situation where you wish it was better, but at the same time you’re used things how they are now. Like the point above mentions, maybe you’ve gotten really good at filling your time with things that are a half-decent substitute for socializing. Being comfortable like this can be insidious in that on some level you want to improve your situation, but you’re not feeling enough of a push to really go after it. It’s easier to stay in for another weekend.
They expect other people take all the initiative in inviting them out

Sometimes you’ll meet someone you get along with and they’ll make all the effort of getting your contact information and inviting you out with them, but often this doesn’t happen. People are usually pretty busy and already have social lives of their own. They’re often on a kind of auto-pilot where they won’t think of you as a potential buddy unless you get them thinking that way. You may have to show an interest in spending time with them before they think of you that way. By waiting for them to extend you an invitation, and doing nothing to put yourself on the line, you may have been unwittingly implying that you weren’t interested in hanging out with them.

Also, lonely people can have the mindset where they see whether they’re invited out or not as a gauge of how much people like them. If someone doesn’t invite them out they take it as a sign that the other person doesn’t want to spend time with them. Like I said above, it’s more a question of whether you’re on someone’s radar as a person they could potentially hang out with. Also, people tend to differ in how often they invite people to do things. Some are really friendly, organizer types. Others figure out what the rest of the group is doing and ask if they can come along (or it’s just implied they can come). Others are more passive still. It’s possible the other person could be waiting for you to invite them out.

Inviting people out and making plans is also a bit of a pain. You can’t always leave the work in the other person’s hands. Your friends shouldn’t always have to be the ones to pick up the phone and think of something to do when they want to hang out with you. Ideally you each pull your own weight.

A final mistake is thinking that inviting someone to do something makes you look weak, desperate, or ‘one down’. Don’t worry about who invites who to do what and what it all means. If you want to get a circle of friends together assume you have to do all the work to make it happen.

See: How To Make Friends And Get A Social Life
They think they have to be super likable to have friends

Pretty much anyone can have friends if they want to. More often than you’d think you just have to be pleasant, non-annoying company: A buddy to shoot pool with, someone to play video games against, someone to go drinking with, someone to talk to about a common interest. Even an annoying person who makes an effort to be social and make plans with people will often have friends.
They actually aren’t that interested in hanging around people

People who become lonely may be more shy and anxious in the first place or have as much of a built-in need to be social. They may also have been ostracized in one form or another when they were growing up, leaving them a bit bitter and weary towards other people.

They may feel the painful effects of loneliness and isolation and want to escape them, but at the same time they’re not 100% keen on being around other people. This causes them to make initial steps towards getting a social life then not following through on them.
They have a negative attitude towards people

Studies have shown that lonely people tend to be more cynical and negative about other people. This could be a cause or effect of being lonely, or both. In practice this manifests in a picky, superior, or snobby attitude. It may be an over compensation for insecurity, anxiety, or low self-esteem. It may also have routes in somewhat justified feelings of being different, left-out, and alienated. A past of social experiences that haven’t gone well may also have left a lonely person feeling jaded about other people.